I recently came across a traumatic situation where my communication skills got challenged. I was speaking with one of my client and during our conversation he says – Varun I have news to share, I am getting divorced tomorrow…!!
Since I had never faced such situation before, I went blank for sometime – thinking how to respond and how to take this conversation ahead. Somehow I managed that time, but this conversation made me think to explore more on how we should face traumatic situations at professional end.
I believe that our communication plays crucial role in our professional growth and due to this we generally know what to say and speak when it comes to discuss topics like – Sales presentation, meetings, birthdays, anniversaries, interviews, requesting for referrals, business plans etc. I have learnt to speak on these topics from my seniors, supervisors and others.
However, I never saw anyone facing situations like, death in a family, house fires, divorce, serious illness, bankruptcy etc. I remember how I felt during my conversation – awkward and unqualified to help him. I just told that I am sure you are going through tough time - unfortunately I wouldn’t know what to say – just be calm!
But that was not the right answer and to be honest, till now I actually don’t know what to say. I am sure some of you also have faced the similar situation, which have not - here are few tips which I came across during my search.
1) We don’t need to creative words while responding – sometimes your presence will says enough! I am sure – that person is not going to remember you after you hang up or leave that place. Your presence is what will be remembered!
2) Stay in touch with them - It’s not just that you paid your respect on that day and its over. If you stay in touch – there is lot of meaning to that - as I said before, your presence will do more than your words!
3) Listen to the person – don’t rush to talk and share the similar incidents or any thing. Be a listener – that will be more than enough for that person to be comfortable. We should encourage the person to talk more so as they wont go in stress mode.
4) Offer help – but not for the sake of showing your concern – be practical and specific. A person in stress will welcome all help. For example – Feel free to call me if you need me!
If you face such situation – try these tips – I am sure these will work for you and you will be able to take your relationship that you have been building to next level.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
How to face Traumatic Situations…!!!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
Great tips!
Hi, Varun - thanks for an interesting question.
For a change, I have reviewed the other responses (originally posted on LinkedIn.com in response to Varun’s post there) before composing my own. The range of reactions to what is not an uncommon situation (someone in a business situation sharing personal information with another person) is fascinating. There appears to be differences in how serious the situation is viewed and what type of response is appropriate.
For me, I decided a long time ago that I would always treat other people as individuals with a full range of background experiences, emotions and all the rest that makes us human, regardless of the situation. Now that does not mean I go "touchy-feely" with everyone at all times. It does mean that when someone shares something personal with me, I recognize the trust and the courage that is required to do so.
I have found that people often just want to share their "pain" with someone else - a sympathetic ear and respectful listening. How we view something that is bothering someone is really not the point. It's how they perceive what has happened that is important, from the viewpoint of trying to help the person. In other words, it's not about you.
If you, as an individual, are not comfortable with that level of interaction or feel that it is inappropriate - so be it, but understand that that is your choice of actions, not the only choice.
For me, being able to interact with others comfortably on a more personal level has enriched my personal life and made my professional activities and business relationship more long-term and stable. I've never thought of this as getting in the way of business, but as a way to make business more "human".
John
Varun, you have a very good heart!
I agree with Jane's answer in regards to the cultural differences and definition of what is traumatic AND what is important is that, for you, this friend's situation was traumatic.
In the U.S. culture, we have been exposed to so much trauma of all different levels and from all kinds of sources that sometimes we "forget" just how much we are all connected.
I was a recruiter and account manager for many years in technical realm and over a period of ten years with one company I knew three consultants who committed suicide. One of them was because he was going through a divorce. He had other issues as well, but did not feel that he had anyone he could speak with about them.
There is a saying in the program of alcoholic's anonymous that says something along the lines of when another person is in trouble, let me be there be a hand available to help them.
We also need to be conscious of boundaries both professionally and personally. In some situations where people are feeling very overwhelmed in their lives, they will forget all boundaries and customs and barge right over and spill all. I believe that we can do no wrong when we follow a higher guidance and show love and caring to a person AND that we can do this with proper boundaries of our own in place.
This is the kind of work that I love to do, to help people in the workplace to come "awake" to themselves and the people around them and to understand about boundaries so that this can be done safely.
On 11/20/08 12:32 PM, Lynn Kindler added the following clarification:
The AA quip that I mangled above goes, "Whenever someone reaches out,let the hand of AA be there" with my intention being for us to take that adage from AA and apply to humanity as a whole so, "whenever someone reaches out, let my hand be there to help".....
I read the tips on your blog. Good insights. Keep in mind that a person can only conduct business if the mind is on business. If the traumatic situation is 'top of mind' pause - let silence indicating you heard what was said ' then ask a question that shows your interest. People who reveal traumatic events during business meetings typically need to have a human connection. You don't need a therapists license to listen and express interest.
Some questions that might work include:
- How is that affecting you today?
- Do you need to take some time to regroup?
- Do you want to talk about it?
- Would you like to reschedule our meeting?
Empathize if appropriate but you do not have to say you've been there. Just respond to what they have told you with thoughts like
- That must be difficult for you.
- You must have a lot to think about right now.
When the person you are meeting with turns the discussion back to work, go with the flow. Perhaps there was just a momentary need to refocus.
~ Adero
hey Varun...You really seem to bring in not only interesting but intelligent and heart rendering topics...I really appreciate the way you think and share it with the folks around...
As far as the topic is concerned...I'd say its a picture that most of us try to shy away from...When we face a situation like this we just tend to behave somewhat like ostriches....However in our day to day lives we do come across scenes which though unasked for are unavoidable...This is the time when the human touch actually comes into picture...But the situations like the one you mentioned in your blog usually strike us dumb..That is when we realize that not only do we need to grow as professionals but as human beings as well..
Post a Comment